So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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