I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
