Where is the hickey?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
