We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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