I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can't put those talents on a resume
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
