The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
