i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize