Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
