Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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