I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
North Korea, Best Korea!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize