Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
