Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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