I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
