i don't like sucking hair
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
