THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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