is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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