Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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