Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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