You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
