yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
