What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
