She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am naked and annoyed.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
