So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
