so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
