i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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