Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize