you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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