So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
