Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
