The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
