I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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