if you like me you must not know who I am
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
