hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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