im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
