Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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