Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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