She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
