My balls are so social today.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
