At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
