your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
