dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
