I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
