Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
