I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
