There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my shit smells like andre
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
