True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
