I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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