so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish life had little blips of pornography
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize