I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just blew my weed a kiss
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize