i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
