go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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