grandma shit on top of the toilet
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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