do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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