somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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