Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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