Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
