Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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