Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
