i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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