using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sorry about my life...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
