I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
