I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
