Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I will pee on everything he values.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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