so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
