Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
