What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
