If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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