I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
