also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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