I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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