The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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